I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
