a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
