I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
