Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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