I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
