I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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