i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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