end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
