isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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