Operation Purity has been aborted
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
