It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
3 2 1 whiskey
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
