Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
