Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Too much gin, very little bucket
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
