She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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