I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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