Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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