i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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