Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
