yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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