I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
