I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
