he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
