I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
