I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
