She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
