so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So vagazzling was a success
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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