And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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