I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
