You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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