I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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