don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He passed out mid-signature
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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