I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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