i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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