By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Randomize
