I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
