he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
