I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
