The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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