Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
