I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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