DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am one with the molecules
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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