My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
