dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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