New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
