My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
