So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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