Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
