i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
