I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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