Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
