I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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