He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we're making bets on your personal life
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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